nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
