dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
