Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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