I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
