He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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