Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My balls are so social today.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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