u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
