i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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