you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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