you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
