I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize