how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
