Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
