i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
