Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
