I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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