HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
