From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Actions speak louder than pants.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
