What a fucking waste of an outfit
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
