Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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