I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
