i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Randomize
