So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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