i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
