dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
