stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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