Just cropdusted the office
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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