I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
