Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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