I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Randomize
