guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
COCAINE IS GR8
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
