I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
