i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
