The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
