I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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