Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
