He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
