I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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