I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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