he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
