Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
