Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
