I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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