Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
