i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
