carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
