wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
