...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
