I puked a lego.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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