I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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