It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
