Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
