Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My life is pants optional.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
