On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
