So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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