i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
