I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
