i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
