I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
