he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We need to get me chipped asap
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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