He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
