Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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